that was the headline in the cape times a week ago….. and seriously i don’t think there has ever been a more apt headline! for a city where people seem to pride themselves for their ‘go slow’ attitude i find it mind boggling that they find it so necessary to speed on the roads as they do. i mean where on earth are they in a rush to get to? my ‘flat white’ in the morning takes at least 15 minutes to get & that’s on a good day when i am the only person in the coffee shop…. pret would have spewed out 72 plus accoutrements! seriously, a beach bar in the caribbean has more oomph than this town. and yet they drive on the road as if their lives depended on it…. well that’s not really true as if they did realise their lives depended on it they’d probably drive more sensibly!!!!!

i have driven in many countries (including france where bad driving is legendary) but this place definitely takes the cake! i mean god help you if you are trying to exit the highway & you are in the wrong lane. trust me – you’re f*cked. no-one & i mean NO-ONE is going to let you through…. you may as well start planning your re-route or crossing your fingers that the next turn-off isn’t too far…. oh & getting onto a highway, well besides for the fact that rather incredibly some of the on-ramps actually enter the highway on the fast lane (!!!!!!) you could find yourself being driven off the road in your attempt of entering – people will actually speed up to try and not allow you access – it’s quite frightening. i just don’t understand why? i mean what could dictate such urgency? the 15 minute wait for their morning coffee?

in a town where the ‘amber’ light seems to signal speed up, never & i mean NEVER take for granted that the ‘green’ light means go…. you’ll be the fool. the ‘in’ thing at traffic lights seems to be for people who are turning across oncoming traffic (a difficult one to explain – you’d seriously have to see it to believe it!!!) to speed across the intersection just as the traffic light turns green cutting off any straight going traffic – it’s enough to make you pee in your pants. so now when the traffic light turns green i sit & i wait for the suicide team to make their way across the intersection ignoring the hoots from behind me (yip, the bloodthirsty assholes behind me would fancy a smash up) & i proceed cautiously…. this coming from someone who used to whizz around london like a bat out of hell!!!! it’s just not worth it here – you WILL die!

this morning, whilst driving down the street my little one’s nursery is in, i had to swerve to miss a freakazoid flying out of a side street chatting on her mobile & applying lipstick at the same time. being first thing in the morning & not having had my much needed dose of caffeine i proceeded without much of a fuss but with my heart on espresso time. i then watched as this moron in her black 530 bmw dodged & weaved down kloofnek almost side-winding another two cars & practically taking out an unsuspecting pedestrian in the space of 3 minutes. following calmly behind her i actually pulled up next to her at the traffic lights when i signaled for her to open her window. in my most sarcastic drawl i told her i thought she was a ‘great driver’ – the 15 year old behind the wheel (well she looked about that age) broke out into a huge grin & thanked me for the compliment!!!!!????? i told her ‘i was joking’…. she looked so confused that a minute later as i was driving down the rest of buitengragt she still stayed stationary at the traffic lights….