well after my last trip to london for a wedding was cancelled (due to our nanny up & leaving with zero notice – see previous blog!!!!!) my next trip to london was almost cancelled too due to exorbitant airfares!!!! i checked on some airtickets a couple of weeks before traveling – with £904 being the best ticket i could find….. so in my wisdom (which seems to be proving less & less of late) i decided not to book the ticket & rather wait for something ‘lastminute’, hoping to get a good deal…. thinking that at least i knew the most i would have to pay would be a grand…. big mistake…. no, no, no in fact HUGE MISTAKE!!!!! £1675 later!!!!! aaaarrrrgghhhhhh!!!! turns out south africa is not big on lastminute.com or any cheap deals for that matter!!!!! so i booked it, then i cancelled it….. then i ummmmmed & ahhhhhed & well then i booked it again.

it was always going to be a rather nerve-wrecking affair going back to london after an absence of this long (8 months) but i wasn’t quite fully prepared for just how anxious i would feel. at first i put it down to the blatant daylight robbery of the cost of the airticket, then i decided it was because i was leaving my little boy for a week (the longest i had ever been away from him) & then after a long talk to my husband, who as always usually knows what’s happening in my head before i even do, i realised it was just the anxiety of going back to london!

so many people i know that have left london for other places have since sworn upon returning to london for a vacation / visit that they could never possibly go back & live there etc…. often regaling me with all the reasons they couldn’t go back. i have always wondered secretly whilst listening to them if this is truly the case or if they just need to say this / believe this because often they simply just cannot go back to london for a various number of reasons that they have no control over. but anyhow this attitude still troubled me immensely as the thought of returning to london and not finding it to still be the place i loved….. my home….. simply terrified me. it is quite obvious to me that south africa is definitely not my home, i might live here for now but it certainly does not own my heart, so imagine now i go back to london & find it not to be the place i love…. well that would leave me pretty lost in this world, now wouldn’t it?

i realised then that it wasn’t just for a birthday & a wedding that i was embarking on this voyage….. it was going to be an emotional journey of which i had zero idea what the outcome would be…… and so it was with those thoughts swirling around my head that i boarded my flight….. (oh & it didn’t help that friends of mine were flying on the same flight as me in business class….. their tickets cost less than mine in chicken class!!!!!! talk about insult to injury!!!!)